Back to the awesomeness....

After a bit of a hiatus...of exactly 200 days, this blog is back. And will stand as a record of awesomeness and ludicrousity that is the internet.

I, for one, welcome our future robot overlords...

This was just showcased at a tech expo. Now it appears to be a company specific all appliance version of the Microsoft Surface (which I totally want).

Although it will probably precede the future overtaking of Earth by Skynet or Cylons, I welcome the advancement. Because it would be sweet.

Movies every guy should see

Esquire has published a list of the movies every man should see. But why be sexist, and limit it to just men? Women can watch movies too. I mean, after they finish...never mind. Anyone who would find that joke funny can complete it in their own head, and probably funnier than I can on print. And anyone who wouldn't find that joke funny....I have plausible deniability. What joke?

How many of these have you seen?

• In the Heat of the Night
• Slap Shot
• Iron Man
• Jaws
• Save the Tiger
• 12 Angry Men
• Fast Times at Ridgemont High
• Chinatown
• The Godfather
• Fitzcarraldo
• Ghostbusters
• Glory
• Wall Street
• Runaway Train
• Rosemary's baby
• North by Northwest
• LoneStar
• The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
• The Conversation
• The Thin Blue Line
• Johnny Dangerously
• The French Connection
• Miller's Crossing
• The Great Escape
• Dawn of the Dead
• Shaun of the Dead
• Hate
• First Blood
• Bottle Rocket
• Bad Day at Black Rock
• Tootsie
• Broadcast News
• The Terminator
• Shakes the Clown
• Dirty Harry
• Straw Dogs
• Raging Bull
• Citizen Kane
• The Shining
• Fatal Attraction
• The Incredibles
• Blade Runner
• Sling Blade
• Giant
• Glengarry Glen Ross
• Serpico
• Down By Law
• The Searchers
• Do the Right Thing
• Gone Baby Gone
• The Big Kahuna
• MASH
• The Verdict
• The Warriors
• Alien
• Stalag 17
• Bridge on the River Kwai
• The Misfits
• Reservoir Dogs
• The Maltese Falcon
• Dr No
• Cool Hand Luke
• The Road Warrior
• Patton
• True Romance
• Run Silent Run Deep
• All Quiet on the Western Front
• Platoon
• Caddyshack
• Hud
• Blazing Saddles
• Three Kings
• Paths of Glory
• On the Waterfront

I have seen 45 of them. Can you guess which 45? How many have you seen?

Here comes the wave of the future...and by wave, I mean Cylons.

Found this infomercial for a company called Festo...or heretofore to be known as the Harbingers of Doom! If anyone thought that Skynet or Cylons were merely a figment of some scifi geek's imagination...they were right. Except that scifi geek got a bunch of money, joined with some other scifi geeks to create a giant F-U to organic evolution.

Question is, how long until we go from this:

ENIAC (picture from Wikipedia)

To this

Number Six a la Battlestar Galactica (picture from Wikipedia)

Behold, the future:

• intelligent robot penguins that can swim backwards
• bionic flying penguins with 3-d sonar
• autonomous robot arms that have the fine motor skills of a human hand
• Walls that react and reform according to human behavior
• robots that can grow...

If it wasn't so awesome...I'd probably be in the corner hiding under a tin-foil hat. That I'm sure would be itself an intelligent, autonomous Decepticon hat designed to suck my brains out of my ears.

Whatever you do today...it will not be as awesome as this guy...

When I got up this morning, I tried to put on pants without taking a header into the closet door. This guy apparently cuts pea pods in half...horizontally with a katana. What have you done today that can even rival Japan's modern samurai...?

You gotta watch the whole thing.

Life Rules.

Everywhere you look, there are rules. How fast to drive, when you can drink, when you are allowed to put squirrels in your pants for the purposes of gambling... However, most rules are specific to a life situation. For example speed limits are only applicable while driving. Others, are more broad. Drinking laws also apply while driving. So, over the years, I have derived Life Rules, rules that apply to all of life, without leading you astray. If you have any Life Rules, please feel free to put them in the comments. Like PostSecrets, but with unsolicited advice instead of unsolicted confessions.

Life Rule #1: Don't suck.
That pretty much sums it up. There is a corollary listing activities that this rule does not apply to, such as "drinking a beverage through a straw", but we don't need to list them out. If you can't figure out when the corollary applies, it probably won't happen the way you want anyways. In either case, "not sucking" usually puts one in a position most suited to achieving Life Goal #1 "Being awesome". But in general, when about to do something, ask yourself, "Will this make me suck?" and "Will I suck doing it?". If either of those is yes...maybe you should do something else. Now, some people do answer those questions as yes, usually bad guys who suck. Which leads us to Life Rule #2.

Life Rule #2: Only Good Guys follow the rules.
To me, this is a pretty obvious thing, that apparently lawmakers forget. (See Life Rule #3) If you are a bad guy, you're not going to to be bound by some moral or ethical implication, hence...why you are a bad guy. So, if you make a law, only people that would follow the law anyways, are going to follow it. For example, stealing. It is against the law to steal. I follow the law. I will not steal. If I was a bad guy, and I steal anyways, what do I care that some old person in some fancy building somewhere decided to show up for work that day and raise their hand that everyone agrees that stealing is against the law. So, if you're going to make a rule that says bad guys must follow the rules, it's going to fail. That is a foregone conclusion. This leads to Life Rule #3.

Life Rule #3: Don't assume anyone knows how to do their job.
As one encounters people doing jobs, basically throughout life, I have found that one can be much more prepared when you follow Life Rule #3. Unfortunately, it has been proven time and again, that there is a direct correlation between the amount of ass is on the line vs. how much someone cares about doing their job. Therefore, if you always assume that perhaps someone before you did not do their job, you will never be disappointed. See Chart 1:

In the beginning....

"In the beginning God created heavens and the earth". But God did not blog. What would God's blog be like?

"T-time before creating stuff. I'm bored, because there is nothing. But I think. Does that mean I'm here, which would mean there is not nothing? In 1637, bite me Descartes."

So, I realized it might not be the best idea to flood people's inboxes with jokes, rants, pictures, videos, and random URL links. So, I've started this blog. "If you build it, they will come" We'll see about that...