So, I've discovered the real reason for Earth Day. It's to basically beg Mother Nature not to rise up and "strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger". And by furious anger, I mean let this monster loose. This thing terrifies more than the demonic love child of Aliens and the smoke monster from LOST. If it is ever released from an aquarium, or decided it doesn't need water to breathe anymore, I'm driving down to Washington to ask the President to drop the 82nd Airborne on it. It's the single greatest argument in favor of nuclear bombs, weaponized ebola, and praying for Jesus to smite something. I mean Old Testament, pillar of salt style.
To recap, this thing is a:
4 foot long sea worm...and by worm...it looks like a centipede.
It has thousands of stingers, any of which can permanently numb a human being
It has natural zinc metal deposits in its teeth. It has metal teeth.
It can bite through coral, 20 lb fishing line, fish
It can digest metal fish hooks. It probably just adds the metal to its teeth!
At least it's still in England and we're separated by the Ocean. Oh wait, it's a fucking ocean worm.
Found this infomercial for a company called Festo...or heretofore to be known as the Harbingers of Doom! If anyone thought that Skynet or Cylons were merely a figment of some scifi geek's imagination...they were right. Except that scifi geek got a bunch of money, joined with some other scifi geeks to create a giant F-U to organic evolution.
intelligent robot penguins that can swim backwards
bionic flying penguins with 3-d sonar
autonomous robot arms that have the fine motor skills of a human hand
Walls that react and reform according to human behavior
robots that can grow...
If it wasn't so awesome...I'd probably be in the corner hiding under a tin-foil hat. That I'm sure would be itself an intelligent, autonomous Decepticon hat designed to suck my brains out of my ears.
Once again, Andy Samberg comes through with another great song. He branches out this time to write a love song...star crossed loves across the ocean. Of course, it's hard to imagine Mahmoud in love. However, I think Fred Armison does a pretty good job of showing us what it must be like...to be Mahmoud.
A few things: I will say, that I definitely feel like doing this when I'm on a diet sometimes. Secondly, I don't know why I find it hilarious, but I always find this hilarious.
And to think, the corporate offices of zappos.com do this every Friday. If I could participate in this every Friday, I'd probably be a lot more likely to not work from home. Although, I have to say, it appears that they are using the Zap Brannigan method of warfare. After all, if I'm going to have a nerd war, might as well follow this guy.
I do think that doing this once a week, whether it be Monday or Friday, would negate the need for "Sensitivity in the workplace" etc training... One note, apparently some of the zappos.com engineers went so far as to tweak their equipment to connect to high pressure CO2 cartridges...to assist in "working".
I wonder, was he being paid some amount of money? There appear to be a few unasked questions on the part of the geniuses that decided on this course of action.
If hitting what appeared to be a melon or a container of some sort makes said container or melon explode, what will happen if you add fire to the mix?
If the guy who is filming is filming from the safety of a car at some distance, and the guy who lit the fire runs like hell...should you A.) Run B.) Be at some distance away C.) Hit object with a baseball bat?
It would appear from the video that some sort of fuel is being used. Usually that fuel is liquid. What happens to the water when a water balloon is broken? Apparently the leap of logic was just too far for the brilliant minds that did this.
Sandals....really?
It would appear that Darwin's ghost has actively made a pact with Youtube, in an effort to move evolution forward by skimming the crap off the gene pool that is the human race, and to let everyone broadcast themselves as a warning to others.
(via OliviaMunn.com & the UK Daily Mail) On Sunday, if you haven't heard a brilliant 32 year old woman in Germany tried to prove that Charles Darwin was a bunch of B.S. As expected, she failed miserably. Apparently, she hopped a fence and jumped into an enclosure of Polar Bears during feeding time. Predictably, when presented with a idiot McNugget, one of the Bears did what Bears do.
Thankfully for her, she was rescued by 4 zookeepers, whom I believe went above and beyond considering the effort she went to to "feed the bears". Of course, once the bears get the taste of human flesh, we could be facing a full on revolution of rampaging bears. Then what would happen?
Thankfully for justice, the woman was issued a citation for her swim with the bears. The bears are not expected to be charged.
I found 1 thing today at lunch, which may come close to being as awesome as the samurai. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to hit a compact car with something at the speed of sound? Apparently Mythbusters did, and they attempt to flatten a car with the impact of a rocket sled. Check out the video to see what happened....and definitely watch the slo-mo portion of it (the 3:00 mark)
When I got up this morning, I tried to put on pants without taking a header into the closet door. This guy apparently cuts pea pods in half...horizontally with a katana. What have you done today that can even rival Japan's modern samurai...?
So, right now, I'm sitting at work. In a generic cubicle, in a generic company, doing a generic job, that sometimes I have to remind myself what is it that I actually do. It's not the most eventful job, and around here's I'm not the boss. Are you like a boss? Or a bao-oss?
Everyone knows about Japanese commercials. A lot of people have seen "LOST IN TRANSLATION" which, besides being a breakout movie for Sofia Coppola and Scarlett Johansson, featured Bill Murray as an American movie star shooting Japanese commercials. Or more recently, the 2009 Super Bowl commercial with Conan O'Brien. For pure awesomeness in the morning, or as awesome as a Tuesday gets, I have uncovered the only thing better. Nicolas Cage only does a few movies now. Wherever does he get the money to support his celebrity lifestyle? Japanese commercials. If you had ever had an opinion about the acting talent of Nicolas Cage, prepare your eyes. (via Joblo.com)
Apparently, The Fast and the Furious made $72.5 million dollars last weekend. This is the best US opening for 2009 and the best April opening ever. It also made $30.1 million dollars in other countries. The average US movie ticket price in 2008 was $7.18. As it has been going up about $0.30 each year, let's assume that in 2009 the average US movie ticket price will be around $7.48. That means with a $72,500,000.00 opening, there were approximately 9,692,513, or a group of people larger than the city of New York (not the metro area, but the city). That means, a group of people, larger than New York City, at some point this weekend, felt it worth their time and money to see the 4th installment of a Vin Diesel series that is basically the same as the 1st installment. In fact, that was the whole sales pitch of the movie. Did we really get anything, as an audience, that we didn't get in the first 3 movies? Did we really need a 4th? Or do we just like loud things that go boom? I vote the latter, which is why Michael Bay still has a job.
Question is, what can you do a second time with the same people, title, equipment, and it would appear....plot, that earns you $72.5 million and $102.6 million worldwide?
Ok, I found this a week ago or so, but I had to post it. Fedor Emelianenko is a Mixed Martial Arts fighter generally considered to be the best in the world. Now, he appeared on Sport Science, which has always been a cool show where they take athletes and scientifically break down what they do. With Fedor, they were specifically measuring his choke. A few notes:
Fedor can choke someone with a grip as strong as that of a bear. Not Winnie the "Where's my hunny" Pooh Bear, but like "I will eat your car" Alaskan Brown Bear. And remember, Fedor knows how to use tools and strategize, which I would argue is a higher level of thought than the Alaskan Brown Bear's "F*** that thing up" strategy. Hence, Fedor = scarier than bear.
Fedor tested his choke on Sport Science's host. The host passed out at 4 seconds, when his pulse went from 113 to 180 bpm and his pulseOx went from 98% to 83%.
Nature is pissed...and is sending this thing after you.
"Hello, let me numb you completely and then bite through your spine. In half."
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