How to dance...

Everyone dances. In some way or some how. I would venture that most people do not dance in a form that has been recognized by the general public as "dancing well". If you need a quick primer on how to dance, here's one of the Top 3 videos on youtube. Ever.

And here, apparently, is the sequel.

Movies every guy should see

Esquire has published a list of the movies every man should see. But why be sexist, and limit it to just men? Women can watch movies too. I mean, after they finish...never mind. Anyone who would find that joke funny can complete it in their own head, and probably funnier than I can on print. And anyone who wouldn't find that joke funny....I have plausible deniability. What joke?

How many of these have you seen?

• In the Heat of the Night
• Slap Shot
• Iron Man
• Jaws
• Save the Tiger
• 12 Angry Men
• Fast Times at Ridgemont High
• Chinatown
• The Godfather
• Fitzcarraldo
• Ghostbusters
• Glory
• Wall Street
• Runaway Train
• Rosemary's baby
• North by Northwest
• LoneStar
• The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
• The Conversation
• The Thin Blue Line
• Johnny Dangerously
• The French Connection
• Miller's Crossing
• The Great Escape
• Dawn of the Dead
• Shaun of the Dead
• Hate
• First Blood
• Bottle Rocket
• Bad Day at Black Rock
• Tootsie
• Broadcast News
• The Terminator
• Shakes the Clown
• Dirty Harry
• Straw Dogs
• Raging Bull
• Citizen Kane
• The Shining
• Fatal Attraction
• The Incredibles
• Blade Runner
• Sling Blade
• Giant
• Glengarry Glen Ross
• Serpico
• Down By Law
• The Searchers
• Do the Right Thing
• Gone Baby Gone
• The Big Kahuna
• MASH
• The Verdict
• The Warriors
• Alien
• Stalag 17
• Bridge on the River Kwai
• The Misfits
• Reservoir Dogs
• The Maltese Falcon
• Dr No
• Cool Hand Luke
• The Road Warrior
• Patton
• True Romance
• Run Silent Run Deep
• All Quiet on the Western Front
• Platoon
• Caddyshack
• Hud
• Blazing Saddles
• Three Kings
• Paths of Glory
• On the Waterfront

I have seen 45 of them. Can you guess which 45? How many have you seen?

Reasons to dance....

daytime talk show style.

I suppose that all things considered, that would definitely be a reason to rock it out. Someone is celebrating "Not a Father's Day". Although, you have to wonder if it was his kickin' dance moves that got him laid in the first place. And then, one step further, you have to wonder what the actual baby-daddy is like...

Remember, always practice safe lunch. Use a condiment.

What happens to your food?

You've got to wonder...if this is what happens when you microwave something, what happens with all the hot pockets, pizza rolls, and random leftovers you microwave? Perhaps this is just a glimpse of the world underneath, the true reality...you know, Constantine style.

Or, it could be some cool CGI...

Denis Leary speaketh truth

Here's the newest Hulu ad. And like Denis told me to do, I'm adding it to my "bliggity blog" and my "facey spaces". After all this, I am starting to wonder if Hulu is just here to take over the world.

So in 2007, a 36 year old executive (Jason Kilar) and a 26 year old developer (Eric Feng) created hulu with a team of 8 in less than 2 months. Hulu is projected to make about $175 million this year, up from $65 million with a 18% profit margin ($12 million). Basically, while I'm bliggity blogging, I have apparently been a "20 something year old Eric FAIL".

Now excuse me, I'm going to go find the Hulu app for my iphone...

Home Security Tips

from "The Onion"

With the exception of your children, your home is your most precious possession. Here are some tips to help keep it safe from would-be intruders:

• If you spot a minority in your gated community who is not holding a leafblower or other lawn-care device, call your local police immediately.
  
• When going on vacation, be sure to leave the oven on. This will fool people into thinking you are home.
  
• When a suspicious stranger knocks at your door, reply in a falsetto voice, "Ain't nobody here but us chickens."
  
• Leave a glass of milk and plate of cookies on kitchen table with a note reading "For burglars." Poison the cookies.
  
• The best way to prevent burglary is to avoid keeping valuables lying around. Leave your six-bedroom mansion unfurnished, then shower, sleep and change clothes at the YMCA only.
  
• Surround your house with an impenetrable labyrinth of enchanted briars.
  
• Make your home unappealing to burglars by smearing windows and doors with your own feces.
  
• If a stranger rings your doorbell, only talk to him if you have a handgun jammed down his throat.
  
• Keep several cauldrons of boiling oil on your ramparts at all times.
  
• Before going to bed, spread broken glass on your floors. Use a ratio of one pound for every five square feet, and leave yourself a path to the bathroom.
  
• Rig your home with an electronic timer to randomly switch lights on and off every 15 seconds.
  
• Place a large, highly visible "No Radio" sign in the front window of your home.
  
• Kids should never tell a stranger who calls that they are home alone. Have them say, "Mom and dad are too busy fucking to come to the phone."
  
• If you accidentally shoot a neighbor you mistake for a burglar, drag him inside and get his prints on a steak knife.
  
• Keep your wife's expensive jewelry hidden deep within her anal column.
  
• A handgun is of no use unless it is easily accessible in an emergency. Make sure your spouse and children know where it is at all times.
  
• Protect your prized Precious Moments figurines with an elaborate network of lasers.
• Pile valuables in center of living-room floor. Sit on pile holding double-barreled shotgun. Do not sleep.

The real reason for Earth Day

So, I've discovered the real reason for Earth Day. It's to basically beg Mother Nature not to rise up and "strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger". And by furious anger, I mean let this monster loose. This thing terrifies more than the demonic love child of Aliens and the smoke monster from LOST. If it is ever released from an aquarium, or decided it doesn't need water to breathe anymore, I'm driving down to Washington to ask the President to drop the 82nd Airborne on it. It's the single greatest argument in favor of nuclear bombs, weaponized ebola, and praying for Jesus to smite something. I mean Old Testament, pillar of salt style.

To recap, this thing is a:

• 4 foot long sea worm...and by worm...it looks like a centipede.
• It has thousands of stingers, any of which can permanently numb a human being
• It has natural zinc metal deposits in its teeth. It has metal teeth.
• It can bite through coral, 20 lb fishing line, fish
• It can digest metal fish hooks. It probably just adds the metal to its teeth!

At least it's still in England and we're separated by the Ocean. Oh wait, it's a fucking ocean worm.

Nature is pissed...and is sending this thing after you.
(Picture from UK Daily Mail)

"Hello, let me numb you completely and then bite through your spine. In half."
(Picture from UK Daily Mail)

Here comes the wave of the future...and by wave, I mean Cylons.

Found this infomercial for a company called Festo...or heretofore to be known as the Harbingers of Doom! If anyone thought that Skynet or Cylons were merely a figment of some scifi geek's imagination...they were right. Except that scifi geek got a bunch of money, joined with some other scifi geeks to create a giant F-U to organic evolution.

Question is, how long until we go from this:

ENIAC (picture from Wikipedia)

To this

Number Six a la Battlestar Galactica (picture from Wikipedia)

Behold, the future:

• intelligent robot penguins that can swim backwards
• bionic flying penguins with 3-d sonar
• autonomous robot arms that have the fine motor skills of a human hand
• Walls that react and reform according to human behavior
• robots that can grow...

If it wasn't so awesome...I'd probably be in the corner hiding under a tin-foil hat. That I'm sure would be itself an intelligent, autonomous Decepticon hat designed to suck my brains out of my ears.

A love song...

Once again, Andy Samberg comes through with another great song. He branches out this time to write a love song...star crossed loves across the ocean. Of course, it's hard to imagine Mahmoud in love. However, I think Fred Armison does a pretty good job of showing us what it must be like...to be Mahmoud.

And Maroon 5 doesn't hurt.

Do you ever feel like doing this?

A few things: I will say, that I definitely feel like doing this when I'm on a diet sometimes. Secondly, I don't know why I find it hilarious, but I always find this hilarious.

How to make work better...

And to think, the corporate offices of zappos.com do this every Friday. If I could participate in this every Friday, I'd probably be a lot more likely to not work from home. Although, I have to say, it appears that they are using the Zap Brannigan method of warfare. After all, if I'm going to have a nerd war, might as well follow this guy.

(Picture from wikipedia)

I do think that doing this once a week, whether it be Monday or Friday, would negate the need for "Sensitivity in the workplace" etc training... One note, apparently some of the zappos.com engineers went so far as to tweak their equipment to connect to high pressure CO2 cartridges...to assist in "working".

Highlights:

• Machine gun team
• Camouflaged sniper
• Grenade
• Body in a desk

Whatever you do today....(language NSFW)

will most likely not be as dumb as this guy.

I wonder, was he being paid some amount of money? There appear to be a few unasked questions on the part of the geniuses that decided on this course of action.

• If hitting what appeared to be a melon or a container of some sort makes said container or melon explode, what will happen if you add fire to the mix?
• If the guy who is filming is filming from the safety of a car at some distance, and the guy who lit the fire runs like hell...should you A.) Run B.) Be at some distance away C.) Hit object with a baseball bat?
• It would appear from the video that some sort of fuel is being used. Usually that fuel is liquid. What happens to the water when a water balloon is broken? Apparently the leap of logic was just too far for the brilliant minds that did this.
• Sandals....really?

It would appear that Darwin's ghost has actively made a pact with Youtube, in an effort to move evolution forward by skimming the crap off the gene pool that is the human race, and to let everyone broadcast themselves as a warning to others.

Personals tell the Truth

So this is what happens when a personal ad tells the truth? Thank you to FunnyorDie.com:

Lindsay Lohan's eHarmony Profile from Lindsay Lohan

A battle against Darwinism

(via OliviaMunn.com & the UK Daily Mail)
On Sunday, if you haven't heard a brilliant 32 year old woman in Germany tried to prove that Charles Darwin was a bunch of B.S. As expected, she failed miserably. Apparently, she hopped a fence and jumped into an enclosure of Polar Bears during feeding time. Predictably, when presented with a idiot McNugget, one of the Bears did what Bears do.

Thankfully for her, she was rescued by 4 zookeepers, whom I believe went above and beyond considering the effort she went to to "feed the bears". Of course, once the bears get the taste of human flesh, we could be facing a full on revolution of rampaging bears. Then what would happen?

Thankfully for justice, the woman was issued a citation for her swim with the bears. The bears are not expected to be charged.

What Happened:

Picture from UK Daily Mail

What Darwin intended to happen:

Picture from Arkive.org

The full article from the Daily Mail with pictures of Darwin's Revenge from the UK Daily Mail

Mythbusters: Blowing stuff up!

I found 1 thing today at lunch, which may come close to being as awesome as the samurai. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to hit a compact car with something at the speed of sound? Apparently Mythbusters did, and they attempt to flatten a car with the impact of a rocket sled. Check out the video to see what happened....and definitely watch the slo-mo portion of it (the 3:00 mark)

Update:
VIDEO FIXED

Also, if youtube fails again, here is the link.

Whatever you do today...it will not be as awesome as this guy...

When I got up this morning, I tried to put on pants without taking a header into the closet door. This guy apparently cuts pea pods in half...horizontally with a katana. What have you done today that can even rival Japan's modern samurai...?

You gotta watch the whole thing.

What's your average day like? (slightly NSFW)

So, right now, I'm sitting at work. In a generic cubicle, in a generic company, doing a generic job, that sometimes I have to remind myself what is it that I actually do. It's not the most eventful job, and around here's I'm not the boss. Are you like a boss? Or a bao-oss?

Pure Awesomeness in the Morning

Everyone knows about Japanese commercials. A lot of people have seen "LOST IN TRANSLATION" which, besides being a breakout movie for Sofia Coppola and Scarlett Johansson, featured Bill Murray as an American movie star shooting Japanese commercials. Or more recently, the 2009 Super Bowl commercial with Conan O'Brien. For pure awesomeness in the morning, or as awesome as a Tuesday gets, I have uncovered the only thing better. Nicolas Cage only does a few movies now. Wherever does he get the money to support his celebrity lifestyle? Japanese commercials. If you had ever had an opinion about the acting talent of Nicolas Cage, prepare your eyes. (via Joblo.com)

Fast and Furious-er

Apparently, The Fast and the Furious made $72.5 million dollars last weekend. This is the best US opening for 2009 and the best April opening ever. It also made $30.1 million dollars in other countries. The average US movie ticket price in 2008 was $7.18. As it has been going up about $0.30 each year, let's assume that in 2009 the average US movie ticket price will be around $7.48. That means with a $72,500,000.00 opening, there were approximately 9,692,513, or a group of people larger than the city of New York (not the metro area, but the city). That means, a group of people, larger than New York City, at some point this weekend, felt it worth their time and money to see the 4th installment of a Vin Diesel series that is basically the same as the 1st installment. In fact, that was the whole sales pitch of the movie. Did we really get anything, as an audience, that we didn't get in the first 3 movies? Did we really need a 4th? Or do we just like loud things that go boom? I vote the latter, which is why Michael Bay still has a job.

Question is, what can you do a second time with the same people, title, equipment, and it would appear....plot, that earns you $72.5 million and $102.6 million worldwide?

This is not Fast and Furious...

Ultimate Fight: Fedor vs. a Bear

Ok, I found this a week ago or so, but I had to post it. Fedor Emelianenko is a Mixed Martial Arts fighter generally considered to be the best in the world. Now, he appeared on Sport Science, which has always been a cool show where they take athletes and scientifically break down what they do. With Fedor, they were specifically measuring his choke.
A few notes:

• Fedor can choke someone with a grip as strong as that of a bear. Not Winnie the "Where's my hunny" Pooh Bear, but like "I will eat your car" Alaskan Brown Bear. And remember, Fedor knows how to use tools and strategize, which I would argue is a higher level of thought than the Alaskan Brown Bear's "F*** that thing up" strategy. Hence, Fedor = scarier than bear.
• Fedor tested his choke on Sport Science's host. The host passed out at 4 seconds, when his pulse went from 113 to 180 bpm and his pulseOx went from 98% to 83%.